Answering “Homophobic” Questions
What is actually homophobic and what isn’t? Are any of these questions really homophobic? I’m going to answer some of these in hopes to show different perspectives on the same things.
Hey Poke Pals. Today I want to get a bit more controversial and still very opinionated about these topics that have come out. First, let me explain my mindstate for this post:
I’ve heard recently that there’s a lot of homophobia going around, and that’s obviously irritating. No homophobia is ok, but when I was hanging out with some friends, some of the things they were labeling as “homophobic” just didn’t seem to be so homophobic. Things like accidental misgendering or questions about the logistics of everything within our community. I’ve answered plenty of the latter, and gently and smoothly dealt with the former, but why the uproar?
There’s a lot that people don’t understand about our community. From questions about gender to questions about why we would ever choose to live this way or if it is a choice. Most people when they hear these questions see it as a sign for ignorance. Someone will ask why we ever chose to live this way out of curiosity and plenty of people snap at them with the standard answer: “this wasn’t a choice”.
How could anyone ever really understand that? Why snap when there’s no reason to? Some people genuinely mean to cause harm, I understand that, I get it, I really do. But why can’t we give people the benefit of the doubt? Why can’t we try to create an understanding? Why not try to understand? Someone answer those questions? Because I have the same ones. I googled “Most Homophobic Questions I Get Asked” to try to see if I could relate to any of the questions, and the hostility from the results page was astonishing
Idiot’s Guide to Every Homophobic Question In The World
How Homophobic Are you
12 Questions with Answers in HOMOPHOBIA
Now, not all of them where hostile, thank god. Some were good…
...but the others looked pretty hostile.
So I’ll try to relate to and answer the Idiot’s Guide to Every Homophobic Question In The World. There’s sixty nine questions so if you guys want to check that out, and for this post, I won’t answer all 69, but I’ll answer the ones that I can and the ones I’ve asked myself or others before.
Keep in mind, I don’t do this because “I’m on the homophobe’s side”, I do this because I’ve got friends and family that all they want is to understand and how can they when all attempts to understand are turned away? Most people will say “Use the INTERNET boomers” but that’s not a real solution. I’ve seen plenty of websites give confusing explanations about everything. For example: I thought that Omnisexual was a non binary pansexual due to the internet.
It’s not.
So, onto the questions:
“If I’ve kissed you one time, would I be gay too?”
I like this question because I’ve found myself asking questions similar to it. My first kiss was from a girl, as we all know because I talk about it a lot, and that kiss was *celestial heaven music*. So that’s when I knew I liked girls. But if I went all this time never kissing a girl, would I be gay? Would I know I liked girls? What would my life be like? I think this question is slightly ignorant, but that’s not a bad thing in my opinion. The way it’s worded doesn’t really imply or sound like the question was meant to be a jerk or anything. It just sounds like a curious question. I don’t know how to answer. Maybe??? I’m pretty sexy so it might be contagious.
“Does it hurt knowing you can’t have children?”
This question comes up sometimes by a lot of people I know. I don’t understand why this is in the homophobic questions because I’ve had LGBTQ people ask me the same question, but they meant birthing my own children. A lot of my friends want to birth their own children but have like a sperm donor or get fertilized by one of the gay homies. I had a person say that they were gonna have a lesbian couple get impregnated by a gay couple and they would give their eggs to the gay couple and the lesbian couple be the surrogate moms. That’s cute. But me? I can physically birth my child right now but if I get most of the surgeries I want to, I can’t. So this question is pretty relevant and a great question, just be really gentle on the approach. Also, yes it does hurt sometimes to never know what it would be like to have my own kids, but then I watch pregnancy shows and watching the mother give birth makes me feel MUCH better about the inability to go through that much pain. Women are strong! Go you my beauties!
“What can two lesbians even do in bed together?”
I wouldn’t call this homophobic, just GROSS. But I’m asexual, sooo…..
This question isn’t necessarily a homophobic question because I’m sure some people have asked this question when they come out as lesbian. I’ve asked this question (and googled answers. It’s a lot, actually…) and I’ve answered the question with the ever so polite “Ew, none of you’re business! It’s not even any of MY business!”. So I don’t really get the reason for this question to be homophobic. It’s mostly just invasion of privacy and gross. NOT ANSWERING THIS ONE
“If you were straight, would you have married me?”
I can see why some would think this is homophobic, but it depends on why they’re asking. If it’s just to be a jerk, then i get it, but honestly, maybe they like you and that’s how they ask. (Happened to me) I don’t know why that’s a bad question, I’ve asked similar to my gay friends. “If I were a full on boy (they don’t like trans people) would you date me?”. This just seems like people are trying to find reasons to be offended. And yes I would, you cutie!
“Listen, You’re gay! Will you come to girls night with us?”
I’ve had this question asked of me, and I’ve laughed every time. I am a trans man and I act like the common stereotype. I love my vanilla mocha at starbucks and I honestly love button ups and polos with my selfie stick and sunglasses. I’ve been asked if I’d join a girls night with someone, and I’m planning a girls night with some of my girlfriends right now. It’s going to be #awesomesauce! I don’t know if this is homophobic, but if any of you wanna hang and have a girl’s nigh, hmu!
“Boys suck so much! Why can’t you be straight?”
In my case, because I’m trans, I’d be gay either way. That’s why I chose Pansexuality! Now I’m all around gay!!!! And boys aren’t THAT bad. I should know…
Actually no we’re pretty bad.
Anyway, I think the direct “Why can’t you be straight” is a little hurtful, but it’s still a question. Maybe it’s genuine, maybe not. However if anyone ever wants to ask that question, I would choose a WAY gentler approach, like:“ What do you see in guys that you don’t in girls””. Simple. Also, I like both so take that!
“Who is your favorite member of One Direction?”
I don’t know why that’s homophobic. Are we gay guys not allowed to like boy bands? No one told me!!!
Niall Horan.
“How have you not seen every episode of Sex in The City?”
Maybe it’s because I’m under 18 right now, but I don’t know what this is… I assume a show, maybe podcast, but still. I don’t know what this is but that being said, I haven’t seen it because the word “Sex” is in the title, and as aforementioned I’m ASEXUAL so NO. Gross.
“Are you the man or the woman in the relationship?”
Ok, I’ll give you the standard answer: in a GAY relationship, there isn’t a WOMAN. In a LESBIAN relationship there isn’t a MAN. But a better question would be “who is the MASCULINE and who is the FEMININE”. Before I catch shit in the comments, I see TONS of people on Tik Tok and irl who have a masculine person in the relationship and a feminine person. Sometimes, it’s not super obvious but others it is. For the few who have both masc or both fem, that’s ok but most of what I see is a masc and fem. So I don’t think this question is that bad. I’m fem.
“Why is there only a gay pride parade?”
This can get pretty political, so gloves off for me. Mine have sequins! In all seriousness, I do want to know. I have asked this. I mean, where’s our BLM parade? And why have a parade for gay people when that’s sexuality? What about gender? why not have TWO parades? I like that question, but I won’t get into it too much because politics. Also the answer is that there was supposed to be a pansexual parade but the clinking of cooking supplies was a bit loud, and the McDonalds wanted their tools back…(I don’t know how to answer it….)
(Side note: Going down this list MOST of these have NOTHING to do with LGBTQ people. Either that or I just don’t get it. For example this next one:)
“Are you having dessert? Shouldn’t you be off sugar?”
In all honesty, yes I should be off sugar. But that’s MY business Tiffany! OMG You’re so mean! I’m going to go bedazzle myself now, you jerk!
“Oh come on, you fantasize about married men all the time don’t you?”
Homophobic? Maybe but I can’t say it’s not true. I mean, as mentioned before, I’m under 18, so I don’t fantasize about MARRIED men. Well… Except for Chris Wood, but he’s sexy and that’s not my fault. Plus Melissa is pretty cute too, so it’s not like I don’t do it with women either… (Cough Katie McGrath…. Cough) Um, yes… Yes I do…
“Listen will you be my gay best friend?”
I don’t get why this is homophobic when every friend group needs ONE gay best friend! I mean, if you don’t have a gay best friend, how do you get the gossip the fashion the great relationship advice, the latest on your fav TV shows? Honestly I don’t know how humanity survived without gay best friends. So I don’t think this is particularly homophobic. Yes, I will be! Hmu.
“I’m not going to introduce you to my boyfriend!!! What if you hit on HIM?”
I’ve actually had this happen, but that’s just because I shamelessly flirt with EVERYONE. I’ve done this with my girlfriend and ex bestie. I came out as lesbian at the time, and she was bi, and I straight up told her this. She just looked at me and said “Worried I’m gonna steal her?” I rolled my eyes. She laughed. Two months later we broke up and she dated my best friend.
This isn’t homophobia, its GENUINE CONCERN! It happens! And you gotta stay VIGILANT! Protect your boy/girl/partner!
In all seriousness, I guess this could be homophobia, but you could just take it as a compliment if you want. And girlfriend, I might hit on your mans but only if he attractive.
“Will touching my boobs make you straight?”
Ummm… I mean it’s not homophobic I don’t think, but I’m pan, so what can I really say? I’d probably just be all like…. ;) Just kidding! I don’t touch NOTHING. But in seriousness, we all know about those thirsty girls trying to get the gay guys, so maybe this is just a thirst question. Just touch em to get them to shut up and move on. Also don’t ask this. At this point, it’s THEIR journey and THEIR experience, let them find out what they are for themselves and no straight questions. And as for me? NO.
“Have you slept with gay guys in the city?”
THERE’S GAY GUYS IN MY CITY! WHERE YOU AT BOYS??? I don’t know why lots of people think that gay people cheat and move around a lot. We don’t. Or at least I don’t. I’m single as a pringle very ready to do more than mingle. But hey I don’t think that homophobia is the same as ignorance. People might just genuinely believe that stereotype. Like I have a stereotype that most adult straight couples that aren’t LDS have sex on the second date. Actually even some LDS couples too. So that’s not accurate, but I have it. Does that make me heterophobic? I don’t think so.
“How do you know so much about football? Is it because the players are cute?”
Or because football is the best American sport in the whole world and anyone that says differently will be tackled into all American soil! FIGHT ME! I stand by my stereotype comment. Being ignorant and being homophobic isn’t the same thing. People just need to be educated, and that’s not going to happen if you just look at them when they ask their question and say “you’re a homophobic PRICK and DON’T ever talk to me”. Also yes, Sam Martin is a cutie… GO BRONCOS! 50th superbowl CHAMPS!
“Why are gay people so LOUD?”
This really depends on what you’re asking. In or out of the bedroom? In the bedroom: Don’t know… Never have never will, no thank you. Outside of the bedroom? Pride. It’s the pride. And not homophobic, just ignorant.
“Why are there no pretty lesbians in the world?”
I asked myself that a lot, so not homophobia. And I’m sorry, its because I went from lesbian to transgender. Sorry! I couldn’t help it, I was destined to be a sexy man!
That was all from me today, but thank you for reading. I know I’ll catch some flak from the comments section but whatever. My opinion is mine and I am happy to share it. We ALL need to have more open minds about everything. Acceptance won’t come from someone just turning away from someone’s questions. Full disclaimer, some of the questions from that link are pretty homophobic. Honorable mentions include:
How do you know you’re gay if you don’t like a woman?
Why do you think that section #377 is a big deal?
Can I call you a homo?
…and more!
I understand that there are some actual homophobic questions in the world, but we don’t have to feed into them and make websites about them. There are no dumb questions if you ask them with genuine curiosity. If we keep an open mind about most things, I think we’ll get along great. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay happy PokePals. Shout out to my followers and thanks for your support
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